Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
