I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize