You can't special order awesome
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize