there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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