There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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