$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
organizing the empties. That sober.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
