What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
