The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
