dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
