Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
