Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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