No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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