erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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