Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
