the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
wow bdsm is so cute
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
