I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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