After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
