i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
