So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
