He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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