it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
