That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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