She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize