The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
