We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
