So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
