Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
