I am puke
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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