Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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