maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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