I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
