I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
