She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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