i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
