I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
