Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
