im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
