another moral hangover. fuck.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
