fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
