member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
