Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
