Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
