are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
