And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
