Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Drunk is not a location!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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