Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
