its not stalking. its research.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
