Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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