if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i barfeds in our rink
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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