My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
