Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
