We won't sleep together?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
