My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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