Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
