seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize