Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
