you guys were way drunker than both of me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
