textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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