i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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