Got a toothbrush?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
