It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
