Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
