I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
