the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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